Stew Leonard's & Autism

Yesterday, David and I went to Stew Leonard's. He wanted to see his "musical friends". I believe we very much had a good time (our day ended with ice cream) - it is hard to tell. That is, he handled crowds well & listened when I talked with him. But David seemed unusually drawn to the musical characters in the store. But honestly - spending 3 hours with your son is beautiful - there ain't nothing like it.

Tonight was interesting. 60 minutes had a nice story, "Diagnosis: Autism". It was the revelation on how early intervention services (12 months & younger) helps "re-wire the brain". I felt proud of our early work with David but also emotional. Emotional in the fact of how far we have come, how far we have to go & especially for the families shown tonight. Afterwards, we quickly turned to Extreme Home Makeover - just to see the house. The show centered on the O'Donnell Family who had 5 autistic children. My heart & respect went out to them.

Finally, Jaclyn asked to read a children's book entitled, "He's My Brother" by Joe Lasker

Tonight was an emotional body blow, but an awakening for me to keep fighting.

I can't wait for David to wake up. I want to hug him.

The Day My Father Died

19 years ago today, my father died. Not sure what, but on that day something died in me too.

3 recent events that reminded me of my Dad:
1. In January our family attended the Jack O'Leary Pasta Night. This night is a fun family night held at my grammar school in the Bronx. For 19 years they have celebrated and raised scholarship money for 2 graduates. The OLeary kids were excited to go see "Grandpa Jack".

2. Baptism of Abigail Elizabeth. Abigail's baptism and welcome to the Catholic faith this past Sunday.

3. This morning when Rachel mentioned to the kids that Grandpa Jack died 19 years ago today. Jaclyn responded, "Well, if his Daddy died, he must be sad today".

You know what, I am sad today.

Who Cares About the Super Bowl?

The streak is over. I missed my 1st Chaluisan Super Bowl Party. I received a call (while driving to the party) that Jaclyn was accidentally hurt by knocking a picture frame on her foot. My instincts & adrenaline instantly urged me home. I arrived home to give her a big hug and put ice on her foot. She was calm & then I had to urge JP to get to bed. I sat down to watch the 2nd half of the Super Bowl.

Jaclyn hopped downstairs and gave me a note that said the following:

Dear Dad:
You love me.
I love you.
XOXOXO
Love,
Jaclyn

Who cares about the Superbowl. (PS: Colts won)

First Snowfall

Feb 3, 2007 brought our first REAL snowfall in our new home. We had a blast - Jaclyn, Davd and JP helped shovel and built snow pyramids. We find the most fun is when we are getting dressed in anticipating the snow. We also find fun afterwards when getting undressed while anticipating the hot chocolate. Our first snow memories in the new home - not a bad way to spend a Saturday.

Talk About Curing Autism.

Read this letter. Very simply, this letter helps to give us a glimpse into David's world. Even better, it shows us how he perceives and interacts with the world around him. After reading, I gained a deeper respect and understanding for David. This understanding further encourages my patience and love for him and all my children.

> Read "Dear Family & Friends" Letter
> View TACA Website

Love and Respect

I am struggling with respect. Specifically, respect from my children. I feel I have overloved them - that is, many hugs, excitement with their joys, a shoulder to lean on when they are down, given them whatever possibly I can afford. In a sense I feel taken for granted. But yet I know there are times during the work week where time with them is limited. So maybe that is the center of the issue? Not sure. While investigating I will continue to humbly love and serve.

I do know that when I dont feel respected it is hard to love. If my kids are not feeling loved, it is hard for them to show respect. Is this a family circle all Dads encounter? I continue to investigate.

Ode to Fathers Who Blog

I have not explored yet, but I hope to read other dads experiences through their blogs. I also like the props given to fathers who blog.

I am also the type of dad to help other dads (giving them some sort of clue). I happily share any wisdom I have regarding pregnancy, labor and childbirth. To be honest, I literally thought the baby POPPED out of the womb. Never in my wildest dreams imagined the labor process. So I pass along as my duty to all men the following article - What every Dad should know about Labor. Good Luck y'all.

NIGHT NOTE: JP and I played balloon catch tonight. This little guy is amazing. Clearly feeling under the weather, but none the less - eager and willing to play catch (with all his heart and pride)

Strong Families include Strong Fathers

Blogging allows me to be introspective as well as focus on improvement. This is especially true in becoming an effective father. What I find enlightening is that there is a website for fathers. I'd like to learn more about this site and others.

I find it fascinating there are wonderful resources for fathers. But I wonder, do you really need a manual to be a father? Do we need a step by step guide to be a Dad?

After 7 years of fatherhood, I wonder what fatherhood books I missed or could write.

Stagmania is running Wild

On Saturday, I attended the Fairfield U. vs Manhattan Jaspers basketball game in the Bronx. 3 future Fairfield Stags - Jaclyn, David & JP - joined me. It was a blast having them with me. The sounds of the PA & the substitution horn were painful to David's ears. He communicated to me that the sound was bothering him, yet I persuaded him to have courage & fight through it. He did & I was very proud of him. I was also proud of Jaclyn who made friends with everyone. She is a beautiful little girl.

David realized at halftime how easy it was to run on Draddy Gymnasium court. This was not good as JP agreed this was also fun to do. Most of the 2nd half was spent playing a zone defense on my boys.

I asked Jaclyn & David what they enjoyed about the basketball game.
Jaclyn said, "I made a new friend.....Samantha"
David said, "Dad, I love Jasper cheerleaders & I love Jasper dancers!"

Slight blow to my ego as there was no mention of the actual game.
Oh yeah, Stags lost.

The Facts of Life

Today, we received a negative school report regarding David's behavior. We are concerned our worst fears are being realized that he needs further daily intervention (socially, OT work). We are more concerned that the school is blind to this fact. We now begin the process of researching alternative means to get our son help.

Along with the above, JP had a breakdown while out shopping, Abigail is sick and we are concerned with Jaclyn's schoolwork. THE PERFECT STORM! Can I get a witness???

However, the day included these 2 wonderful nuggets:
1 - I started my day by sitting with David and looking at a full moon. We talked about how the full moon was visible yet it was daylight.
2 - I closed my day by tucking Jackie in bed "like a hot dog in a hot dog bun". Then singing Jaclyn's lullaby, "I Love You Lord".

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the Facts of Life....the Facts of Life. (go ahead, sing it)

Lessons Learned - 2006

With 2006 drawing to a close, I bring to you my top 5 Lessons Learned from this past year.

Top 5 Lessons in 2006:
1 - I need to learn different communication styles for my children. Jaclyn & David now require a more mature approach.
2 - Parenting means sacrifice (in a good way). If you dont want to sacrifice what is "YOURS" for others, than parenting is not for you. Specifically, I sense that I will sacrifice for their education.
3 - You live with the choices you make. It is not simply because you were given a bad deal.
4 - I want to be the type of man that improves other people's lives. A man with soul.
5 - A holy family perserveres.

Writer Note: This list can also be named as top 5 things I remember at the moment as child rearing has increased my loss of brain cells.

Daddy is Santa Claus?

Friday night we celebrated Christmas with my family. When I was young, there was a tradition for my father to dress up as Santa - we still have the Santa suit. My sisters asked me to bring the suit & dress up for the kids (Jaclyn, David, JP, Abigail & cousin Isabella).

After dinner, I dressed in my sister's kitchen. I had the complete Santa suit on (including pillow as stomach) except for white beard, hair and hat. As I was trying to tie the belt, I turned around and David is standing at the kitchen door. David looks at me & says, "Wow, Daddy is Santa"

Live Nativity & GATB Party

Last night Rachel, Jaclyn and baby Abigail participated in a live Nativity. This event was held outside our church in a barn with a live cow, sheep, llama and donkey. Jaclyn played the role of an angel, Rachel played the role of Mary & Abigail played the role of baby Jesus. We had a great time especially when the congregation said "Amen" followed by a long Moooooooo from the cow.

After the Nativity scene, Rachel & I went on a date to the Suarez Christmas Party. It was very good to be with my wife. Rachel fell asleep on the way there & ya know what - I loved it. The most fun was chatting with my college buddies about our lives, especially sharing family stories (good & bad). Rachel also mentioned that she shared parenting stories with the GATB wives. We had a lot of fun & laughs late into the night. Now remember, these are guys I have known since I was eighteen (almost 20 years ago). To share our current lives, especially OUR KIDS lives is very special.

You Win Some, You Lose Some

I had a great day with the kids. After going to mass, I picked up Jaclyn, David & JP for Sunday School. Jaclyn & David went to school, JP and I played. We played in the park for 1 hour during this crisp December day. When done, JP fell asleep. Jaclyn & David came out of class & then we all played again in the park. We played until 1 pm. The fun continued at home as we played Thomas the tank engine, stoop soccer, baseball catch & puppet fun.

MAJOR MILESTONE: David & JP played Thomas the tank engine together. It was amazing to watch for about 30 minutes. Interacting, playing - lots of laughs.

The day ended with JP crying & complaining about going to bed. Well, you win some & you lose some.

Happy Birthday Rachel

This blog - Fatherhood Matters is about my children. But my children dont happen without their wonderful mother. Mom celebrated a birthday today. She is an amazing woman, friend, and community leader. November 26 also happens to be Abigail's 1 month birthday. Happy Birthday!

Pokeno & Happy Feet

Thanksgiving Day was spent at my sister Kate's home. Kudos to the OLeary-Vandaloo recipes. One of the reasons I love my sisters is because they are attune to family tradition. This year they purchased the game Pokeno. My sisters and I played Pokeno when we were young at our Italian family gatherings. We played literally for pennies with my Poppy, Nana, 5 aunts & 3 uncles. My sisters have now passed the Pokeno tradition down to my children. Jaclyn had a blast reading the playing cards ("Joker of Spades!"). Jaclyn even won a round. David seemed to have fun placing chips on the Pokeno card. JP was found throwing chips at Bailey (the family dog). It is surreal looking across the table at my daughter playing cards.

Today our family of 6 went to the Movies. I am not sure what to make of the movie, "Happy Feet". My gut reaction is I wanted more fun (ala Madagascar) and less thinking (the movie made me think of David). Beyond the initial fiasco of seating arrangements, the kids were great. At the end, with credits rolling - JP broke into dance (JP's dancing is really more of an intense running in place). While he continued his joyful stomp, I looked at Rachel with glee and said, "Happy Feet?!?!"

Stoop Ball - The Evolution

When I was young we played a game called Stoop Ball. Mostly I played with Mark, Paulie, Vinny & Matteo (can you tell where I grew up?).

JP and I played stoop ball yesterday. We dont actually have a front stoop. We played in the basement (using the stairs leading up to the 1st floor). It was fun as JP yelled "Stoop Ball!". JP was giggling as we threw the ball off the stairs. We caught it, dropped it, chased it and repeated. As we were playing and chasing the ball, JP kicked the ball around the basement. He stopped looked at me with those eyes & said, "Dad, this is Stoop Soccer!". Ah, urban life meet suburban life.

Happy 5th Birthday to David

It is 5:15 am in the morning. I am baking David a birthday cake. Why? I LOVE HIM. David's recent daily ritual is to wake up EARLY & come into our bed. Fun for David, not so fun for Mom & Dad who desperately need sleep. Today, I HOPE DAVID WAKES UP EARLY. I want to spend time with him before work.

Our goal 3 years ago was for David to attend mainstream Kindergarten (without assistance). I am happy to say we have met that goal. My honest assessment is that David does need assistance (an aide) at school - we are fighting for that. He needs most help with his social interaction (interacting appropriately with other kids) snd staying on task (jacket in cubbie, participate in music class). I am worried he is an outsider right now, going through the motions without being able to jump into the "real world". Why? His strong intellectual ability overshadows the details of what he really needs.

I love you David. Happy Birthday Buddy!

Highlights from the Past 10 Years

I ran into a great friend, APKJr, whom I have known for 7 years (pre-kids). We talked life and a comment came about "kids aging you".

For you parents out there, would you agree how wonderful your children are & how you could not picture life WITHOUT your children. It is the most intense roller coaster ride. I would not change a thing.

On the way home that night, I thought of the past 10 years of my life.
1996 - Job Change & Dedicate life to Christ
1997 - Job Change & Engaged
1998 - Married (Rachel accepts 24x7 JohnnyO experience)
1999 - Mom diagnosed with cancer & Rachel Pregnant
2000 - Jaclyn born (WCW Baby)
2001 - Buy 1st home & David born
2002 - REST (I think) & David diagnosis
2003 - Pregnant
2004 - JP born & Job Change
2005 - Job Change
2006 - Buy 2nd home & Abigail born

I am sure I am missing something. But, you get the picture. My mom often encourages me through tough situations by saying, "You have nothing to fear, you have been through the worst by losing your Dad". He died a week before my 18th birthday.

So does the above list scare me? Nah. Does it scare you? LOL. My competitive nature says, "Bring it on Life!". So yes, I have aged but hopefully like a fine wine.

Kudos to Aunt Kate

My sister finished the NY City Marathon today in 5:23:36.
This is a major accomplishment and I am very proud of her.

It was on my heart to take 3 of 4 kids to cheer for her. Unfortunately, David's neck, the cold weather and having a 9 day old baby (with recovering mom), we stayed home. Our plan is to ask Aunt Kate to do it again next year.

Jaclyn, David and I watched portions of the marathon on TV.
Jaclyn and David pulled their chairs close to the TV screen.
I asked Jaclyn, "Why are you moving your chairs so close to the TV?".
She answered confidently, "We want to get close so we can see Aunt Kate!"

Correction, not only am I proud of her, but we all are proud (especially her neice and nephew).