Thursday, November 08, 2007

Fathers and Sons

For the first time in a long time I feel like I connected to David - human to human.

For the past two days David has greeted me warmly and dare I say even happily. I asked him how his play date was and he explained to me why it was cancelled. This was all done in great detail (you have to know David to appreciate this). Today after greeting me I asked him how he was feeling (knowing he was feeling sick). He told me about his "green stickies on his nose" (in great detail of course). Basically he had a stuffy nose with green mucus.

JP had his first OFFICIAL play date. He was so excited to know his Dad was very proud of him.

There is one major thing I am (PLACE EMOTION HERE) about not doing with my Dad.
I never had a chance to have an ADULT conversation with him.

I really am striving to build a relationship with my sons now.
It hurts me when I am failing at that.
God willing, he will allow me that opportunity to guide my sons into adulthood.
I continue to beat up the treadmill pondering daily fatherhood matters.

Burdens of a Father

I have been burdened this week (for many reasons) of focusing on protecting my children. I feel this extreme desire (good) as well as pressure (bad) that I must protect them. It sounds sort of "caveman-ish", archaeic or even animalistic. But even as I type, I am not sure how to truly express it.

I have an overwhelmingly passion to continue to support their needs and desires financially. That is interplayed with the notion that this financial support is dependant on other factors (people, my company). This support is immediate as well as long term. I have an overwhelmingly sense I need to protect them from "the dangers of the outside world". I have this overwhelming fear that I am turning into my father (is this good or bad?)

One example I remember is a gut wrenching feeling when I learned my kids would be taking the bus to school - I could not imagine ENTRUSTING their safety with someone else.

So I wonder, will these feelings always be a part of me as a Dad?
I also wonder if these feelings a part of something that all Dad's face?

I continue to beat up the treadmill on a daily basis pondering Fatherhood matters.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Happy Halloween

We had a blast on Halloween (& during the days before). Attached is a photo of the Halloween Crew. You will see 3 of the 4 O'Leary kids. We had an entire crew from our neighborhood join us (no photo credentials provided for others). So 2 Years in a Row of Trick or Treating - it looks like a neighborhood tradition is brewing!

The following is an excerpt of a conversation between myself and JP. We were holding hands behind the trick or treat pack (as he could not keep up to the older kids, although JP tried)

Dad: JP, you okay?
JP: Yes, Daddy.......but Dad?
Dad: Yes, JP?
JP: Will you protect me?
Dad: JP, I am always here for you & I will always protect you!
JP: but Dad......I was SO SO scared of the scary music
Dad: oh JP, don't worry I am here and I will protect you.
Dad: (after a melodramatic pause) ...Besides, you are SUPERMAN! (putting out my arms for emphasis)
JP: but Dad....I am not superman....I am just JP!