One Week in my Life

One week ago, Abigail was born. I find her to be amazing - very strong, intense eyes, focused on her goals (feeding time). I find my wife Rachel to be amazing too - in fact, because of the above traits. Thinking about birth, I continue to be amazed of the strength of women including Rachel.

5 things we learned in the past week (Abigail arrived home Saturday):
Sunday - We learn at noon that last night was Daylight Savings Time.
Monday - We learn Abigail is cool, is a good eater and a good sleeper
Tuesday - Jaclyn and I learn that Halloween is AWESOME on our street
Wednesday - I learn that deep inside I do love Max (dont ask about his vet bill)
Thursday - I learn that parenthood is a 24x7 job.

Get Busy Living

Strange things inspire me. Rachel said to me one time - "you have a wonderful gift, you are a self motivated person". I am motivated to do a lot of things in my life at this time. The biggest motivation is to positively fight for my son. David has torticollis. The day Abigail was born, David was fighting a rash and fever. When those symptoms went away, he ended up with a stiff neck (turned to one side). Turns out this kink is torticollis. Tomorrow - physical therapy.

I now officially put my life under the category of "I can't make this stuff up". I plan to positively fight, inspire and battle life. I have a wonderful immediate and extended family. I have wonderful friends and coworkers. I am going to get busy living knowing that this too shall pass. Bring it on life - JohnnyO Bulldog is here........ with a smile.

The Day My Daughter was Born

Abigail Elizabeth O'Leary
Born October 26, '06 @ 12:17 PM
8 lbs 11 ounces; 19.5 inches

"My water broke!" yelled my wife Rachel @ 3:40 am. Our neighbor Lisa came over at 4:15 am. We left for the hospital at 4:44 am. My mom came over at 5 am . My last words before we left the house, "Rachel, can you find my UNC hat?"

5 Highlights:
- Mom w/kids all day & Lisa arrival at 4 ("F*@# Incredible!" - Rachel)
- Rachel calls wrong number at 4 am. Rachel says, "Good Morning, Its time!" Unidentified awoken woman says "Great...Who are you?"
- Rachel in whirlpool during labor ("2 thumbs up!", says Rachel)
- Doula Services by Regina ("Phenomenal!", says Rachel)
- JohnnyO Baby Coaching Services ("You are Da Man!", says Rachel)

Scene of the Day
Nurse comes into the room to check on Rachel at 2:30 PM.
JohnnyO lieing on the couch. Rachel lieing in bed.
Nurse says "You must be pooped"
JohnnyO says, "Yeh, I am shot!"
Nurse says with a smile "No Dad, I was asking your wife"

The Fine Art of Conversation

In 4 years and 11 months, I never felt that David and I have had a phone conversation. Thinking about this, really hurts.

Our phone conversations are:
Me: "David, how was your day?"
David: "1, 2, 3"
Me: "David, I love you"
David: "thomas the tank engine pulls 3 freight cars"

Yesterday was our first real conversation:
Me: "David, how was your day?
David: "Great!"
Me: "David, I love you"
David: "I love you too"

David: "Dad, where are you?"
Me: "I am at work"
David: "Dad, Why are you always at work?"

Ah, out of the mouths of babes.
Question to myself - "Yeh, why am I always at work?"

Bike Riding

Jaclyn learned how to ride a 2 wheel bike on Saturday, October 14.

Well, she actually has been learning to ride for sometime (with my assistance). But she really mastered it and rode on the driveway by herself (with my guidance).

She was proud, quick, fast and laughing all the way. A pure joy except when she stops (we have to learn the fine art of stopping with grace).

I enjoyed every second of being with my daughter. This will be a milestone father and daughter will look back on with great joy.

Heart Aches

Seeing your son or daughter scrape a knee.....hurts you. Seeing your son under anesthesia after an operation.....mucho mucho heart ache. Seeing your son with a swelled up eye..... more mucho mucho heartache.

In the course of the week, JP had a swollen eye from an apparent insect bite and David had surgery to replace ear tubes. JP was amazing - swollen eye and all - happy as can be. During the week he even got his finger caught in the toy chest - but continued to play, clean up. All this while I applied ice to his finger. Simply amazing.

David was equally amazing handling the operation. Lots of scariness during and lots of post op hecticness, but he really bounced back well.

I know the pain on my heart with these minor setbacks. How will I feel when my daughter starts dating in 20 years (she is 6).

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. - Nelson Mandela

Everyone Loves a Parade

On Labor Day (Sept 4), we went to the Newtown Labor Day Parade. There is also a Newtown Labor Day Road Race. Next year I plan to run.

The Labor Day Parade was great - we all had a blast. It felt like a small town parade. We had a tough time getting David to come to the parade. Rachel's great idea was for him to wear computer headphones (he is sensitive to loud parade sounds). David wore his headphones and we finally made our way to the parade site. Ya know, there were a lot of loud noises - drums, trumpets, gun fire, trucks - but David was really great. I covered his ears when I sensed a very loud sound (fireworks).

David - every day and every moment you surprise me. You make me proud to be your father.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

David likes trains. David loves Thomas the Tank Engine. We went to a friend's house on Labor Day Weekend. All the kids played outside, David stayed inside with the Thomas Train set. He does play, but doesnt do well with others impeding on his train time.

We were blessed with our friend Lisa Cap, who understood and helped the other kids recognize and respect David. We also gained some wisdom from her on maybe reversing his train obsession - giving him train time every day. We will try it, monitor it and hope for the best. As Drew Cap would say - "Day by day, Agape"

True and lifelong friends are a gift from God.

First Day of School

School started on Tuesday, August 29. Jaclyn started 1st grade & David started Kindergarten. All 5 of us walked to the bus stop on Tuesday morning. All 3 kids had backpacks and lunchboxes. We were welcomed by 10 other families at the bus stop. They yelled "Hurry up O'Learys - we are waiting for you to get in the picture!".

Bus arrived. David and Jaclyn ran onto bus. Bus took off. JP stood there in shock as the bus drove off. Mommy stood there in tears. Daddy continued to video tape.

JP, Mommy and Daddy walked hand in hand back home.
As we walked home we felt the following:
- Sense of comfort that our kids were excited to go to school.
- Nervous with how their day would go.
- Happy with our move & the welcoming reception of the neighborhood families.
- Sense of accomplishment that our kids are moving forward.

Why do I feel like the years are going too fast?

NOTE: David had a PPT meeting on Monday. We are extremely happy with the attention give by Newtown Special Services for David. They are evaluating him for the next 30 days and we reconvene in mid October. Shout out to fellow Spellman alumni, Marisol Troche (David's Superkids teacher) for being a strong advocate for us at this meeting.

Taking Your Kids To Work

One major memory I have of my father is going to work with him. He worked in the World Trade Center Twin Towers as a telephone technician. Imagine the excitement of a 10 year old spending the day with his father. As my father setup telephone systems I ran around corporate offices, stairwells, areas marked "employees only" and essentially was "behind the scenes" of 2 large towers.

Today David and Jaclyn came to work with me. They met a boy, Evan who is the son of a co-worker. They played and ran throughout the office. They attended meetings with me.

Our exchange as we walked out of the office.
Jaclyn: "Daddy, I love you and I love when you take us to your job"
David: "Yeh Dad that was cool"

I always worry about David in these social settings. Especially seeing him interact with his peers makes my heart wrench. He wasn't perfect, but he was great.

This might be an experience for today but hopefully will be remembered for many tomorrows.

New Beginnings

I have not posted since May 31. Why? We sold our home in Stratford and now live in Newtown, CT. Needless to say, June and July has been unsettling yet exciting.

We spent the 1st night in our new home on August 6. That night prior to going to bed all 3 kids were running around the house. Since we have no furniture they found this fun. David stopped his running, looked at me and said, "Dad, this place is great!". Jaclyn stopped running, looked at me and said, "Dad, this place is so cool!"

That made this move all worthwhile.

Love on his Terms

It is hard to believe that it is been a couple of weeks since my last post. My beautiful daughter's sixth birthday was May 18. I also captured a lot of wonderful moments on video. Our imminent family move has captured a lot of my time and attention.

Interesting show on ABC News Nightline about Adults with Autism (watch video). It made me stop in my tracks. I never pictured David as an adult. I never pictured caring for David as an adult. It made me wonder - what will his relationships with friends, co workers be like? Will he have a girlfriend? Is he capable of having friends, a job, a girlfriend?

What I do know is that I love David unconditionally. We have a special bond. I do know that he can love, in his way, and on his terms.

Mother's (& Father's) Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day. May 14 is also my father's birthday (he would have been 62). So it is a bittersweet day for me.

Our Mother's Day went as follows:
1. Attended 9 am mass at St. James
2. Stopped at gas station (coffee and donuts for the OLeary gang)
3. Went to The Shore Line Trolley Museum. We bought our tickets and the kids ran to the trolley (all except JP who was cranky). Short 20 minute ride up and down the line (along with a tour). I really enjoyed myself simply watching Jaclyn & David get excited about the trolley.
4. Went to Pepe's pizza in New Haven. We sat, watched them make pizza, ate, and ran out.
5. Kids fell asleep on the way home
6. Dad fell asleep on couch when we arrived home
7. Mom fell asleep after Dad
8. At bedtime, I asked Jackie - "Did you have fun today?" Jackie replied, "Yes, I loved the donuts!"

Fun Ending to a Long Day

When I arrived home from work tonight, all 3 kids were playing in the basement. I roared (in my best lion voice). I hear David say "Run for your lives". Jackie says "It's a monster". JP just ran in circles. That was fun.

Jaclyn asked David and I to sit down. She played teacher and instructed us in Global Studies (passing around a Globe; asking us to name different countries on Abu's Globe). That was fun.

Next I played teacher (Mr. Page). I asked David and Jaclyn to write their name, draw the sun, the moon, a house, a picture of me, and something they get on their birthday (David drew a present and asked, "Dad, er, Mr. Page - can I draw a bow on my present"; Jaclyn drew Barbie)
That was fun.

Lastly JP pulled me upstairs by the finger (per our routine). Into my bed (per our routine). We laid down looking at each other and practiced our snoring (per our routine). We then stop, open our eyes and yell at each other "HELLO!". JP cackles and we repeat (per our routine). That was fun.

Being a Leader

One of the pressures I find with being a Dad (as well as a husband, friend, co-worker) is that others lean on you. In some sense, I want that. I am a fiercely passionate and loyal person. Building a relationship is built on "I will be there for you". Vice versa, I need to lean on others at one time or another.

I remember being a Dad for the 1st time and that overwhelming feeling of "WOW, now I really have to get my act together!". Currently, I sense that my children are watching how I respond to daily activities - whether I am joyful, angry, sad, peaceful or in control.

That is the hard part for me now - being a leader not just during the easy times, but at all times. Being a leader in word and action. I feel like I am failing a lot lately - I have work to do. I love my family. Rachel, Jaclyn, David, and JP - I accept the challenge of being a leader for our growing family.

The Little Red Car

This evening, all of us walked in Second Hill Lane school's Relay for Life. This event honors cancer victims. We walked in support of Nana (a.k.a. my mom).

The kids were tired from walking, so Rachel went home with Jaclyn and JP. David and I went on the Second Hill Lane baseball diamond. I can't explain it, but I just love the smell of a baseball field. David ran around the bases and I showed him how to pitch. We ended our time together with 2 things. The first is that I felt guilty for not purchasing a baseball glove for my son. The second with David peeing on the outfield grass (when a man has to go....a man has to go)

David and I walked hand in hand to my car. Upon arriving he asked me if he can "open the red car". I showed him which key and he opened the car door. With door ajar, and just about to step inside, David looked up at me and said proudly, "Dad, that was a great night!"

Leap of Faith

Picture me in my best ring announcer voice.

"Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. Please welcome, live on stage, the one, the only, the handiest man in town......<>Mr. JP O'Leary!!!! <>

We all watch in amazement as JP jumps off a box, approximately 12 inches off the ground. Simple yes. But JP is not even 2 years old yet! I am truly in awe of his accomplishments. All the credit in the world goes to Rachel (the captain) , Jaclyn (co-captain) and David (1st mate). He follows their every move. He wants to be like them in every way.

This simple leap reminds me of our family's leap of faith. If it is God's will, we are moving in the next 60 days. Keep reading as I keep you posted.

My Love Is A Covenant

I learned something today. Well, better put - I learned how little I know today. My experience with Fatherhood continues to be a learning experience. I learned my love for my family is NOT a contract. That is, I do not love because contractually I am being loved back. That is hard for me personally because in many relationships I wonder "How am I doing?" As a father, your performance is difficult to gauge because with young kids - feedback is rare.

My love for my wife and my children is UNCONDITIONAL. It is covenantial love. I wonder how many times with family and friends I placed "a contract" on that love, that friendship? Are the feelings I have for my family and friends freely given (without expectation of reciprocation)? Something for me to think about.

Autism Awareness Month

April is Autism Awareness Month. Still researching something to do for David & the family. Maybe a 4 mile run or a Walkathon? Maybe attend a seminar? Not sure. But certainly will do something this year. What I continue to learn is that fatherhood is a journey, a roller coaster - so I am joyfully holding on for the ride.