Family Math Night

I bonded tonight with J. We enjoyed time at Math Night (am i a geek or what?)! Maybe it is just me - but I get VERY emotional when spending time with my daughter. There is a powerful bond between Dad and daughter. I have a lot to learn but I find being with her is good - very good for both of us.

I had a blast.....but don't trust my word ...read my guest's comments :-)

Jack O'Leary Pasta Night

22nd Annual Jack O'Leary Pasta Night was held on Saturday at St. Clare's School in the Bronx, NY. This event has been held since the year of my Dad's death in 1988. D was sick this year so I went with my mom and 2 of 4 kiddies. They had a blast since the Chaluisan girls joined us.

My kids "love pasta night". It really is a blast for kids - loud music, food, dancing, raffles. The reality is that it is all about the children. Passing the legacy of my father - a servant for family, friends, and community on to the next generations.

Maybe that is my reality? Building on the legacy of my father before me.

Fatherhood Talk

I had a good talk with the kids last night. Well, at least that is my opinion.
The talk centered around 2 things:
1 - Respecting yourself and others
2 - Inauguration of Barack Obama

The goal was to ensure they were being respectful to everyone but most especially their family. They are blessed to have each other and I know they love each other just by their actions. However sometimes life gets in the way. Let's see how much sticks for an 8, 7 and 4 year old.

I was pleased to know that they also watched the presidential inauguration at school. D was very expressive in letting me know about Obama and Biden. He also very clearly told me that Obama was the 44th president but the 1st African-American president. It was beautiful to hear.

In both instances, I hope they not only heard/saw but truly understand.

Fatherhood.org

Not sure if you can learn fatherhood from reading (online or offline). But I am willing to give it a try. Although, I agree you can be inspired by learning tips, tricks and ideas. Fatherhood for me has been evolutionary. From thinking babies come FLYING OUT (me wearing a catchers mitt) of the womb. To currently trying to communicate with my soon to be 9 year old daughter (not the same communication as when she is 2).

So I will give these websites a chance:
fatherhood.org - National Fatherhood Institute
fatherhood.gov - National Fatherhood Clearinghouse

But this blog (and others out there like this) are the place where we can build up our resources to make fatherhood matter.

Coping with an Autistic Brother

I invite you to read this interesting article from NPR.....or better yet listen to its corresponding podcast.

I read this and wonder how my daughter feels.
One quote was striking, "...her brother's diagnosis has affected every aspect of her life from the time he was born."

I guess I also wonder how I cope as a Dad.

Fatherhood

Sunday I had a blast with JP. He joined me while I was a referee at 2 games. He truly enjoys watching the games - you can see the intensity in his eyes as he watches.

Afterwards we watched the Giants lose, we watched a lacrosse game, we played one on one basketball, we shared a pretzel, we had some gatorade. We finally called it a day. We spent 5 hours together.

The key was spending time together. I loved it and hopefully he did too. Nothing out of the ordinary - just time. Fatherhood.

New Year, New Words

A refers to siblings as JackA, Day Day, and Ju Ju. Well, that was 2008.

2009 she has grasped full names. Oh, with complete sentences too.

Knows proper usage for Why? and What?

Full mastery on how to hold a mobile phone (and make calls).

More gray hairs are coming :-)

Failure to Communicate (or Understand)

Interesting Points of View from my 9 yr old daughter:

Dad: I setup an email account for you - want to use it?
Daughter: I can only use my email after you buy me a laptop computer!

Me: What do you think about getting a Wii for the family?
Daughter: Dad, we can only play Wii if you buy us a flat screen TV!

Both of these comments came within 24 hours. Can you picture the look on my face?

Resources for Dads

I am in the process of gathering online (and offine) resources for Dads. Books, websites, articles - anything of interest for engaged Dads. If you have websites to share - send a comment.

Christmas Morning

A glimpse into an EARLY Christmas morning.... (Did I say it was EARLY???)

Stocking Stuffer

Letter from Big Sister to each of her brothers (found in their stockings). Speechless Dad.

Getting Bullied on a Daily Basis

One of my biggest fears for David is his being bullied. The article: "Kids with Asperger's Syndrome: Being Bullied on a Daily Basis" really touched me with points to consider.

I guess my biggest fear was not necessarily now but during the middle school years. That is where a lot of concern lies for me as a Dad and we as parents. Your worries are not ONLY in the now stage, but in "the what will happen when he is stage.

I balance these fears with the POWER moments. Tonight, David and I completed a mind game puzzle together. Well he actually did it (I was there for moral support). I know I loved just being with him. I sensed he loved it too.

After puzzle time, I played catch with A, talked with J about her day (while holding her) and helped JuJu go peepee (when he woke up at 11 pm).

You know what, maybe I won't worry so much (who has time)

Wondering About Aspergers

Our latest concerns surround the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome. David has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS but it has been on our hearts for some time that Aspergers may be reality for him. Read the symptoms ..... and if you know David....then what would you think?

It's another body blow to take on as a Dad. I trudge on. Life is not dull. David is strong and we will move forward.....together.

Perception IS Reality

David has been struggling with fitting in. My struggle as his Dad is understanding what he is facing. More specifically trying to get to his level and understand his view of the world. It is painful to see him be ostracized (or feel like that). It is painful for me to not be able to help (i suspect every dad's dilemma)

His interaction with his siblings and friends seem to be fine. There are definitely some awkward moments (sensory issues - touching, hugging, extreme yelling, emotional or over-reaction). So as an outsider - looks can be deceiving.

He has communicated that he feels left out at school. HIS PERCEPTION is others are forming groups and leaving him out. The facts are still coming in. These groups may be forming but what is being perceived as an intentional slight (to him) is nothing more than a group of kids playing together (or eating lunch together).

So my struggle is when to protect or push. My anxiety is worrying about him being bullied. I don't have an answer right now. Seeking wisdom through prayer and seeking support through community.

Cherish the Good Days

Today was a good day. Not so much for me (tired), or for Rachel (feeling sick) - but a good day of social interactions with David. In fact it has been a good 24 hours (since last night).

If you are a parent of a child on the autism spectrum - you understand.

Last night I made strawberry milk for the boys. This was a first time drink for David.
Upon drinking he said, "Dad, thanks for the strawberry milk..... JP and I love you".
This wasn't silly talk or a common reaction from him.

For the first time in 7 years - I knew he truly meant saying those 3 words to me.

Tonight, upon arriving home we had our silly rambunctious play (Dad and all 4 kids).
I had dinner while the kids were having dessert (homemade cake from the kids)
I started my standard questions regarding the day for David. But today I asked
"Did you have any special visitors today?" David replied with his face beaming, "Yeah, Mom! She did a presentation in my class" I asked (feeling bold), "How did you feel seeing her?" David replied while giggling "Very happy!" We talked about the rest of his day, he went through the rest of bed time routine, told me that JP was doing poops.

The word that came to mind regarding our interaction was that he was ENGAGED. He was uncharacteriscally VERY socially engaged.

Engaging with my son has been a long time prayer of mine. A simple prayer just for a moment. I feel grateful and blessed on this day. I will cherish this day hoping this will be one moment in a lifetime of many moments. I will continue to pray in Jesus' name for change in David's life and especially change in mine.

Females in Training (FIT)

Hats off to Jaclyn and Rachel who ran & finished a 5K last Sunday in New Milford, CT. The weather was freezing! Yet, they still perservered and did it! I am so proud of both of them. Proud of Jaclyn for:

- Sticking with the FIT program and completing her goal.

- Trying a new experience and meeting new people.

- Being athletic and aware of fitness

Proud of Rachel for:

- Commitment to fitness for the family

- Being a leader for Jaclyn

- Doing all of this WHILE being a mother of 4 along with working, teaching, GS leading, etc... (major props!)

We (the rest of the gang) cheered them on along the finish line. We played in the snow while we waited and as a Dad I hope it reinforced a couple of things:

1. fitness as part of our family (healthy mind, spirit and body)

2. supporting other family members (through good and bad weather)

3. take time to celebrate these times (All Aboard Pizza Shop with Abu & Ita)

Daily Routines and Autism

"Children with autism are focused on a daily routine with fixed habits and familiar surroundings. ...changes to their daily routine can be very disruptive, shattering their feeling of security and triggering unexpected behavior, experts say. " - cnn.com

I read the above article and I couldn't even imagine suffering the loss of our home. Not the home itself but the sense of safety, comfort, and the sense of "being home". Mostly when I read the above article I thought about David. I remember our struggle when we moved in 2006 to our current home. Immediate after purchase and prior to moving in, we brought the family to the house. This was specifically for David's benefit - so that he could gain a sense of safety and familiarity. We were aided by wonderful neighbors who shared their Legos (which helped shape a sense of normality). He resisted at first. But I am deeply proud of him and how he has handled transitions (this is beyond painful for him).

David's routines have included:
- regular seat at the kitchen table for EVERY meal
- apple and waffle for breakfast EVERY morning

When he was younger, we often could not bring him to new places/homes, loud auditoriums, or crowded places. These were difficult times.

I read the article above and I understand. I know where they stand. I feel for this family.

David: I am very proud of you. I am proud of what you have overcome. I am proud of the boy you have become. I am proud of you because you have perservered through change. I have seen growth in your struggle to deal with adversity (quote from grandpa jack).

I am BEYOND honored to be your Dad.

Stick and Stones

Thursday afternoon was tough for me. While at work, I learned JP fell off a swing and broke his elbow. I found myself not only worried about his physical health, but also wanted to be with him. I felt very guilty about not being there for him. Not being there to catch him when he fell. In fact, when I think about it now, it bothers me and makes me sad.

I know in reality I can not be with my kids through every moment throughout their life. But I take pride in being there. I wasn't and I am coming to grips with that.

Actual exchange when I arrived home.

Dad: JP, sorry I wasn't here for you today Buddy, when you fell...
JP: Dad, that's okay, next time I won't hold my pumpkin while on the swing. Did you see my blue cast? It's only on for a little while....5 weeks.

Fruits of My Loin: AN UPDATE

David rode a two-wheel bike for the first time this past Sunday. He also says he has a "wiggly tooth".

PERSONAL NOTE:
I got "Stumped by the Schwab" tonight in a cause to help out the Cardinal Shehan Center. The Shehan Center in Bridgeport, CT is a wonderful organization supporting kids athletics. This short post reminds me to start "tweeting".

Fruits of My Loin

I noticed something recently. I get emotional at the SMALLEST things my children do. Maybe they seem small to me - but they are big for my children. For example, this past month included David shooting and making his first basket in our backyard. When it went through the net, I jumped up and down like he won the NBA championship. I wouldn't let him see me cry. Now he loves to "play hoops". In fact he has gotten a hoop two more times. This is a big step for him. We learned a lot about David through this experience (this is a future blog post).

JP also just learned to ride his bike WITHOUT training wheels. When I pushed him around the yard and he was able to peddle without help....oh boy, my tears started flowing.

Maybe I am getting soft in my old age? Maybe I am getting too sentimental about these things? Maybe my kids bring out the inner child within me? Maybe fatherhood does matter....