Failure to Communicate (or Understand)

Interesting Points of View from my 9 yr old daughter:

Dad: I setup an email account for you - want to use it?
Daughter: I can only use my email after you buy me a laptop computer!

Me: What do you think about getting a Wii for the family?
Daughter: Dad, we can only play Wii if you buy us a flat screen TV!

Both of these comments came within 24 hours. Can you picture the look on my face?

Resources for Dads

I am in the process of gathering online (and offine) resources for Dads. Books, websites, articles - anything of interest for engaged Dads. If you have websites to share - send a comment.

Christmas Morning

A glimpse into an EARLY Christmas morning.... (Did I say it was EARLY???)

Stocking Stuffer

Letter from Big Sister to each of her brothers (found in their stockings). Speechless Dad.

Getting Bullied on a Daily Basis

One of my biggest fears for David is his being bullied. The article: "Kids with Asperger's Syndrome: Being Bullied on a Daily Basis" really touched me with points to consider.

I guess my biggest fear was not necessarily now but during the middle school years. That is where a lot of concern lies for me as a Dad and we as parents. Your worries are not ONLY in the now stage, but in "the what will happen when he is stage.

I balance these fears with the POWER moments. Tonight, David and I completed a mind game puzzle together. Well he actually did it (I was there for moral support). I know I loved just being with him. I sensed he loved it too.

After puzzle time, I played catch with A, talked with J about her day (while holding her) and helped JuJu go peepee (when he woke up at 11 pm).

You know what, maybe I won't worry so much (who has time)

Wondering About Aspergers

Our latest concerns surround the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome. David has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS but it has been on our hearts for some time that Aspergers may be reality for him. Read the symptoms ..... and if you know David....then what would you think?

It's another body blow to take on as a Dad. I trudge on. Life is not dull. David is strong and we will move forward.....together.

Perception IS Reality

David has been struggling with fitting in. My struggle as his Dad is understanding what he is facing. More specifically trying to get to his level and understand his view of the world. It is painful to see him be ostracized (or feel like that). It is painful for me to not be able to help (i suspect every dad's dilemma)

His interaction with his siblings and friends seem to be fine. There are definitely some awkward moments (sensory issues - touching, hugging, extreme yelling, emotional or over-reaction). So as an outsider - looks can be deceiving.

He has communicated that he feels left out at school. HIS PERCEPTION is others are forming groups and leaving him out. The facts are still coming in. These groups may be forming but what is being perceived as an intentional slight (to him) is nothing more than a group of kids playing together (or eating lunch together).

So my struggle is when to protect or push. My anxiety is worrying about him being bullied. I don't have an answer right now. Seeking wisdom through prayer and seeking support through community.

Cherish the Good Days

Today was a good day. Not so much for me (tired), or for Rachel (feeling sick) - but a good day of social interactions with David. In fact it has been a good 24 hours (since last night).

If you are a parent of a child on the autism spectrum - you understand.

Last night I made strawberry milk for the boys. This was a first time drink for David.
Upon drinking he said, "Dad, thanks for the strawberry milk..... JP and I love you".
This wasn't silly talk or a common reaction from him.

For the first time in 7 years - I knew he truly meant saying those 3 words to me.

Tonight, upon arriving home we had our silly rambunctious play (Dad and all 4 kids).
I had dinner while the kids were having dessert (homemade cake from the kids)
I started my standard questions regarding the day for David. But today I asked
"Did you have any special visitors today?" David replied with his face beaming, "Yeah, Mom! She did a presentation in my class" I asked (feeling bold), "How did you feel seeing her?" David replied while giggling "Very happy!" We talked about the rest of his day, he went through the rest of bed time routine, told me that JP was doing poops.

The word that came to mind regarding our interaction was that he was ENGAGED. He was uncharacteriscally VERY socially engaged.

Engaging with my son has been a long time prayer of mine. A simple prayer just for a moment. I feel grateful and blessed on this day. I will cherish this day hoping this will be one moment in a lifetime of many moments. I will continue to pray in Jesus' name for change in David's life and especially change in mine.

Females in Training (FIT)

Hats off to Jaclyn and Rachel who ran & finished a 5K last Sunday in New Milford, CT. The weather was freezing! Yet, they still perservered and did it! I am so proud of both of them. Proud of Jaclyn for:

- Sticking with the FIT program and completing her goal.

- Trying a new experience and meeting new people.

- Being athletic and aware of fitness

Proud of Rachel for:

- Commitment to fitness for the family

- Being a leader for Jaclyn

- Doing all of this WHILE being a mother of 4 along with working, teaching, GS leading, etc... (major props!)

We (the rest of the gang) cheered them on along the finish line. We played in the snow while we waited and as a Dad I hope it reinforced a couple of things:

1. fitness as part of our family (healthy mind, spirit and body)

2. supporting other family members (through good and bad weather)

3. take time to celebrate these times (All Aboard Pizza Shop with Abu & Ita)

Daily Routines and Autism

"Children with autism are focused on a daily routine with fixed habits and familiar surroundings. ...changes to their daily routine can be very disruptive, shattering their feeling of security and triggering unexpected behavior, experts say. " - cnn.com

I read the above article and I couldn't even imagine suffering the loss of our home. Not the home itself but the sense of safety, comfort, and the sense of "being home". Mostly when I read the above article I thought about David. I remember our struggle when we moved in 2006 to our current home. Immediate after purchase and prior to moving in, we brought the family to the house. This was specifically for David's benefit - so that he could gain a sense of safety and familiarity. We were aided by wonderful neighbors who shared their Legos (which helped shape a sense of normality). He resisted at first. But I am deeply proud of him and how he has handled transitions (this is beyond painful for him).

David's routines have included:
- regular seat at the kitchen table for EVERY meal
- apple and waffle for breakfast EVERY morning

When he was younger, we often could not bring him to new places/homes, loud auditoriums, or crowded places. These were difficult times.

I read the article above and I understand. I know where they stand. I feel for this family.

David: I am very proud of you. I am proud of what you have overcome. I am proud of the boy you have become. I am proud of you because you have perservered through change. I have seen growth in your struggle to deal with adversity (quote from grandpa jack).

I am BEYOND honored to be your Dad.

Stick and Stones

Thursday afternoon was tough for me. While at work, I learned JP fell off a swing and broke his elbow. I found myself not only worried about his physical health, but also wanted to be with him. I felt very guilty about not being there for him. Not being there to catch him when he fell. In fact, when I think about it now, it bothers me and makes me sad.

I know in reality I can not be with my kids through every moment throughout their life. But I take pride in being there. I wasn't and I am coming to grips with that.

Actual exchange when I arrived home.

Dad: JP, sorry I wasn't here for you today Buddy, when you fell...
JP: Dad, that's okay, next time I won't hold my pumpkin while on the swing. Did you see my blue cast? It's only on for a little while....5 weeks.

Fruits of My Loin: AN UPDATE

David rode a two-wheel bike for the first time this past Sunday. He also says he has a "wiggly tooth".

PERSONAL NOTE:
I got "Stumped by the Schwab" tonight in a cause to help out the Cardinal Shehan Center. The Shehan Center in Bridgeport, CT is a wonderful organization supporting kids athletics. This short post reminds me to start "tweeting".

Fruits of My Loin

I noticed something recently. I get emotional at the SMALLEST things my children do. Maybe they seem small to me - but they are big for my children. For example, this past month included David shooting and making his first basket in our backyard. When it went through the net, I jumped up and down like he won the NBA championship. I wouldn't let him see me cry. Now he loves to "play hoops". In fact he has gotten a hoop two more times. This is a big step for him. We learned a lot about David through this experience (this is a future blog post).

JP also just learned to ride his bike WITHOUT training wheels. When I pushed him around the yard and he was able to peddle without help....oh boy, my tears started flowing.

Maybe I am getting soft in my old age? Maybe I am getting too sentimental about these things? Maybe my kids bring out the inner child within me? Maybe fatherhood does matter....

We have a failure to Communicate

A New School Year and more Fatherhood Matters. As other parents out there understand - it is unbelievable to see the emotional and intellectual growth in your children. As a Dad with daughters and sons (all different ages), I constantly need to modify my communication style. So even though I mentally cant comprehend (or accept) my oldest is in 3rd grade....I need to work to change my communication style. No longer can I talk to her as a toddler, but now I must speak with respect to her as a young girl. A girl with feelings, emotions, thoughts, feedback and a beautiful mind. I know this Dad is trying to figure it all out. I suspect this will be a continous life challenge with all my kids. Any wisdom out there? :-)

Cousins - Summer Memories 2007

Father's Day - My 4 Gifts

Father's Day started by playing golf at Centennial Golf Club with 3 great Dads (Cap, Viani, Suarez) whom I have known since my 1st year of college.

Yesterday was emotional for me. I am not sure why. I loved golf in the morning. But I missed my kids terribly. Driving from the golf course, I was excited to see my kids. I arrived home to an empty house. I felt lonely and incomplete.

When the kids arrived home, I was beyond ecstatic. I opened their gifts (see picture). I choked up and was ready to cry. Is it possible to cry over a homemade card in the shape of jacket and tie?

My children are my gift. I want to celebrate each of them. Jaclyn asked, "Dad, did you get all the balls in the hole?". My response, "I sure did, my sweetie!"

Our First Yankee Game

Saturday, June 7, 2008

First Yankee Game

Yankee Cap Day

Last Year of original Stadium

Dogs, Fries, Soda - $57

Tickets - Free (Thanks Beaz)
Water - Free (Thanks Yanks)

National Spelling Bee

We are seriously considering entering David into the National Spelling Bee. He has been reading since age 2 (no joke). I learned that he could read when he said "All the News that's fit to print". He was reading the front cover of the NY Times.

OFF THE CHARTS Intelligence is one of the "side affects" of being on the autism spectrum. Right now he can read ANY word (age 6).

I want to do more for him. But I don't know what. I am struggling right now to know what he needs, what he wants, when he needs to be challenged. I have to respect when he needs to drift into his world and embrace him when he returns to our world.

This is painful for me. I am a problem solver with a problem I can not solve.

Fatherhood DOES Matter

Hey - I made Best of the Web - check out this site! I am always interested in what other parents are doing - so this is wonderful to be a part of that. Thank you Best of the Web!

On Sunday I realized how far we have come and how far we have to go. There was a magic show at a local amusement park. When the magician asked for volunteers, David raised his hand! I was so proud when he was selected!!

It was on stage and his interaction with the magician that it was uncomfortable. There was a disconnect between who David is an how he acts versus the magician's expectation (asking him not so politely to stay still, move back - don't ruin is magic trick!) The end game was the rabbit was pulled out of the box and everybody lived happily ever after.

The major win was David had a blast! He loved talking about the bunny! My take away from this experience is that maybe I am the issue. It was my discomfort not David's. He had fun in his own way, his own time and in his own space. David is cool in who he is.

Maybe I am the one that needs to change, to grow, to accept.

Milestones for my Children

Today Jaclyn celebrated her first Holy Communion. My daughter can now celebrate the Eucharist each week with her parents. What a blessing and what a ceremony today! I am amazed at how she has grown.

I am even more amazed at how time flies by in the life of my children! As a Dad, I am ready for these milestones & I enjoy them. They are touching to me & bring a sense of accomplishment for all of us. So I am savoring & doing my best to live in the moment. I enjoy these days with all my children and I want them to know that.

Jaclyn mentioned that a boy gave her a rose and told her that "he loved her". Now that is a milestone this Dad is not ready for...