Fathers and Sons

For the first time in a long time I feel like I connected to David - human to human.

For the past two days David has greeted me warmly and dare I say even happily. I asked him how his play date was and he explained to me why it was cancelled. This was all done in great detail (you have to know David to appreciate this). Today after greeting me I asked him how he was feeling (knowing he was feeling sick). He told me about his "green stickies on his nose" (in great detail of course). Basically he had a stuffy nose with green mucus.

JP had his first OFFICIAL play date. He was so excited to know his Dad was very proud of him.

There is one major thing I am (PLACE EMOTION HERE) about not doing with my Dad.
I never had a chance to have an ADULT conversation with him.

I really am striving to build a relationship with my sons now.
It hurts me when I am failing at that.
God willing, he will allow me that opportunity to guide my sons into adulthood.
I continue to beat up the treadmill pondering daily fatherhood matters.

Burdens of a Father

I have been burdened this week (for many reasons) of focusing on protecting my children. I feel this extreme desire (good) as well as pressure (bad) that I must protect them. It sounds sort of "caveman-ish", archaeic or even animalistic. But even as I type, I am not sure how to truly express it.

I have an overwhelmingly passion to continue to support their needs and desires financially. That is interplayed with the notion that this financial support is dependant on other factors (people, my company). This support is immediate as well as long term. I have an overwhelmingly sense I need to protect them from "the dangers of the outside world". I have this overwhelming fear that I am turning into my father (is this good or bad?)

One example I remember is a gut wrenching feeling when I learned my kids would be taking the bus to school - I could not imagine ENTRUSTING their safety with someone else.

So I wonder, will these feelings always be a part of me as a Dad?
I also wonder if these feelings a part of something that all Dad's face?

I continue to beat up the treadmill on a daily basis pondering Fatherhood matters.

Happy Halloween

We had a blast on Halloween (& during the days before). Attached is a photo of the Halloween Crew. You will see 3 of the 4 O'Leary kids. We had an entire crew from our neighborhood join us (no photo credentials provided for others). So 2 Years in a Row of Trick or Treating - it looks like a neighborhood tradition is brewing!

The following is an excerpt of a conversation between myself and JP. We were holding hands behind the trick or treat pack (as he could not keep up to the older kids, although JP tried)

Dad: JP, you okay?
JP: Yes, Daddy.......but Dad?
Dad: Yes, JP?
JP: Will you protect me?
Dad: JP, I am always here for you & I will always protect you!
JP: but Dad......I was SO SO scared of the scary music
Dad: oh JP, don't worry I am here and I will protect you.
Dad: (after a melodramatic pause) ...Besides, you are SUPERMAN! (putting out my arms for emphasis)
JP: but Dad....I am not superman....I am just JP!

Happy Birthday Smiley McGee

What can I say? This girl is beautiful, friendly, sometimes shy, loves to walk, eat & LOVES HER DADDY. I can't believe one year has passed already. She is here, enjoying life and her siblings. She loves Jackie. She is intrigued by David. Cackles with JP.

Happy Birthday Abigail! You have a wonderful spirit! I look forward to many more years with you & seeing the wonderful girl you will become.

Dad, The Weekend Warrior

Rachel is leading a woman's retreat this weekend. This means it is Daddy 24x7 with the kids for the weekend (minus Abigail who is hanging with the Trovarelli family - kudos to them).

I awoke this morning with 2 of 3 kids in my bed. We went to the Red Rooster for breakfast (after chasing a garden snake back into the forest). I typically go on dates with my daughter to the Red Rooster. She gave the OK to let her brothers into our world. The owners were fantastic - very accomodating to us & they even tuned the TV to Disney! A very welcoming & charming place with delicious food!

After breakfast, we attempted to see local little league games, but nobody was playing. We stopped by Goose Lake & then went to Dickinson Park. Kids had a blast on the "wooden playground". Next we went to Reed School Park which included a large spider web to climb! Our day wrapped up by attending a local Craft Fair & eating cupcakes!

We finally arrived home around 3:30 pm and we watched 2 movies - Narnia & The Wild.

Raviolis wrapped our day ("These are my favorite!" - kids exclaim).

Outdoor Fun + Tired Kids + Exhausted Dad = AWESOME DAY!

Attention Shoppers!

I enjoy spending time with my kids. I am trying to balance the previous fact with my time to relax - specifically mental breaks. I have not come up with a solution yet, but trying. Any solutions out there?

One of things I like to do is spend time with the boys on Saturday mornings. Very simply, WE DO ERRANDS! YEH! This mostly consists of food shopping or car maintenance or general "around town" stuff. We try to make the food shopping fun where the boys help me pick out stuff, we receive a slice of cheese from the deli person, and they get to ride in "Marty". Marty is the name they gave to that extra long grocery cart shaped like a firetruck (or car or truck or PLACE ANY TYPE OF VEHICLE A BOY WOULD LOVE HERE). Most recently, they have become my little shoppers with their little "shopper in training" carts. (see photo).

Watch out shoppers......clean up in aisle 22!

Telling Your Story

Today started a new year of CCD (Sunday School) for the kids. During this year's program, Jaclyn will celebrate her Holy Communion. Living this experience with my children, I am reminded of my days in a Catholic parochial school. I now have an appreciation for the Roman Catholic faith and especially an appreciation of living that faith (not just text book knowledge).

As parents, we attended an orientation for this program. The theme was for our kids to tell their story - their story of encountering Christ. After Day 1, we felt a comfort that God's grace is surrounding our family. David's teacher seemed excellent & his 1st Grade teacher is in the class. Jaclyn is in the class taught by the principal of the school. We wrapped up this sunny day (with a crisp cool breeze) to play in the "CCD Park" as David like to call it.

I learn every day about being a father & a Dad. I want to do right by them. I don't receive feedback from them, so I really don't know how I am doing (& I guess I will never know).

I want my children to experience physical activities like football, basketball and baseball (my sports). I support their new found physical activities like gymastics and soccer. I want my children to be intellectually stimulated at school & at home (trips to Bronx Zoo, etc). I want to be able to provide extra support when needed (whether it is time or money). I want my children to be spiritually fed. I understand it is a journey with hills and valleys. No expectations here - I just want to provide the foundation they can always rely on.

My struggles I guess lie in determining what activities to take on versus what not to take on. When should I lead, follow or move on.

Of course for me as a Dad my ultimate question is "How can I do it all with limited time & resources?" I suspect this question is one other Dad's are dealing with? I don't feel despondent. I actually feel challenged - very challenged to be a small part in helping my kids confidently tell all their life stories.

Family History & Memories

This past weekend we tried 2 new family things.

1. We attended the Norwalk Oyster Festival. Oddly enough, we did not partake of any oysters. However, we listened to an INCREDIBLE band named Ask Your Mom. Well, I may be biased as one of the band members is my co-worker Rob. But they rocked & the kids danced. The day ended with a trip to Pizza Hut.

2. On Sunday we attended the Greater Danbury Irish Festival. We had Irish food & I had Irish beer (Harp) with Aunt Kate. We listened to Irish music & watched Irish dancing. We learned what our names are in Gaelic. We found where our ancestors lived. We made sand art while spilling most of the sand on the floor. We played soccer & football (kudos to Uncle Mike). I enjoyed sharing my family heritage with my children. Note to self: Create family tree

I truly enjoy spending time with my family. I am a blessed man.

A New Season

I love new beginnings. I especially love the change of seasons. I believe that is because of my athletic background. As the seasons change, it signals the start of a new sport. The early morning smell of a freshly manicured football field. The high pitched squeaks of sneakers on a basketball court. The vision of seeing up close the fresh white chalk on a baseball diamond.

JP started pre-school today. He is ready and from all accounts he had a wonderful day. Jaclyn & David started school about 8 days ago (we attended each of their open houses). So 3 of 4 of our children are attending the same school.

I feel a sense of parental accomplishment today. It is a small but wonderful step. The start of something new and special. Go get 'em JP!

Kids and Technology

When I was younger I owned a newspaper route (the NY Daily News). My route consisted of delivering 50 papers each morning. The papers had to be delivered - whether snow, sleet, rain, or sickness.

A pain point for me was collecting the money. I wonder why. I guess as a 13 year old kid, collecting cash from adults was intimidating. My pay consisted of taking home a percentage of each paper and receiving customer tips.

This had me thinking of how kids who deliver newspapers receive payment in modern times.
Payment today is mostly made online or via credit card.
In fact, I have not met the delivery person who delivers my NY Times each morning.

I believe the advances today are all due to technology. My children love the computer. They love computer games. My daughter loves Webkinz. Have you heard of Webkinz? Be afraid, be very afraid. My kids are skilled at using a computer. It is truly amazing the infiltration of technology into our children's lives. What are the positives you see with children using technology so early?

I love this stuff.....but honestly, I don't mind waiting a long time until they learn about credit cards!

Back To School

Start of a school year = more milestones. I read a blog post about enjoying life's moments. Today marks the start of 1st Grade for David. A milestone that I yearned for 5 years. I could not picture this achievement when I was told David was on the autism spectrum (about 5 years ago). I pray every day for him to have a joyful and safe day.

Jaclyn also starts 2nd Grade. I pray that she continues to be a wonderful family leader and wonderful participant in school. Her school year start is delayed as she is a bit under the weather.

JP starts preschool in a couple of weeks.

New year. New adventures. New challenges. What will tomorrow bring?

Making Childhood Memories

I had a wonderful vacation week with my family. We relaxed at the beach for 4 days. The week wraps up with the premiere of the TV movie - Disney's High School Musical 2.

Our memories this week included:
1. Four days in the Atlantic Ocean waves
2. JP finding and holding Sand Crabs
3. Ice Cream and Karoake
4. Italian & Seafood Dinners (Happy Birthday Poppy!)
5. Delicious Donuts
6. Carnival on the Ocean City Boardwalk
7. Reuniting with old friends
8. Boogie Boarding
9. Making memories with Nana, Poppy, Aunts & Uncle Mike
10. Boothe Library 75th Anniversary Party (upon our return to Newtown)

My Son, My Relationship

It always comes in bunches - many things happen all at once that talk or deal with Autism. I am reading a book (previous post), see talk shows and read special reports on autism.

For me, it's personal. I can only comprehend my own relationship with my son. I am trying and I believe he is too. It is frustrating and I believe he becomes frustrated too. I look to the world around me for help. Help comes in many forms. I look to others for how to interact with my son. Little ideas or knowledge from others who are on this road.

Watch this Video when your time allows. A line from this video hit home to me "1 in 94 boys is on the Autism Spectrum". This is my relationship with David! This is our relationship with our sons!

Book I am Reading

I am reading "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time". This is a novel narrated by a boy on the autism spectrum. I am not finished yet - but I am torn. In one way, I am thoroughly enjoying the book. In another way, I see a lot of David in the narrator (Christopher John Francis Boone) & it hits home.

Not only do I see David in the book, but I see myself in the main character's father. I love my son. I have true compassion & patience for my son. I relate to my son. But there are often times that I can not relate to David & his world & that hurts. It hurts in a way that I can not explain to anyone.

I will let you know the results when I finish this book - stay tuned.

Unashamed Promotion: This book was a gift from my father in law, Andres Torres, who is an author in his own right (see Amazon.com)

Keep Moving Forward

Our family went to see Meet the Robinsons at Edmond Town Hall. I enjoy old cinemas not just because of the price ($2 per ticket is wonderful for families), but because of the history and it is typically a chance to really enjoy a show without the craziness of a multiplex (DOWN IN FRONT!)

The movie reinforced 2 things for me:
1. This weekend was about family & almost turned out not to be. A friend, Victor Batsu, invited me to play golf this weekend. I was very tempted to play but desired to be with my family (see previous post on Struggles of a Modern Day Dad). I declined golf. I gained family. 2 bike riding trips to the lake with JP. Lots of reading with Jaclyn, Lots of baby giggles with Abigail. Lots of playtime with David (saturday morning at the tire shop)

2. I must keep moving forward. I learn more from failure than success. Keep pressing on, surrender life to God and keep moving forward. Something to think about.

When did Al Gore become cool?

I have never been much for focusing on "being green" outside of buying Energy Star appliances and installing new windows in my home. Jaclyn has been focusing on recycling and has been instrumental in changing my thought process.

Today I watched Live Earth festivities and found it not only musical, but refreshing, focused, inspirational and organized and presented by committed people.

I have pledged and look forward to changing the world (in some small and fun way) with and for my children.

Struggles of a Modern Day Dad

I am struggling with the demands of work and fatherhood. I would not say it is a negative struggle. I positively struggle with the demands of my career or my personal life (lets say golf) and wanting to achieve that.

SHAMELESS PLUG: I will soon post "101 things to do before I die" list.

But I also find great joy in being with my kids. I enjoy riding our bikes to the lake. I enjoy playing soccer, baseball and basketball with them. I even enjoy taking them on errands with me or cooking for them.

I also sense that may be more expected of a modern Dad. He is expected to be at the basketball games, boy scout and girl scout activities as well as perform at work.

I wonder if other Dads experience this as well? I wonder if women (Moms) experience this or do they feel different pressures?

Boys, Boys, Boys; NO GIRLS ALLOWED

The boys and I had boy-time this week. We are missing the ladies but we had a blast!

10 things we did this week:
1. Day at the Library - Paws, Claws, Scales and Magic Tales
2. Trip to the General Store for Candy
3. Lots of book reading
4. Lots of writing (David wrote some amazing letters)
5. Trip to Dad's job
6. Horseback Riding for David (Pegasus riding for special kids)
7. Trip to Nana's house
8. Swimming
9. SuperPretzels!
10. Close out the week - Movies!

Missing My Daughter

Jaclyn is having a sleepover with the Chaluisan family this week. I've been thinking about her throughout my drive home and I miss her terribly already (she left merely 3 hours ago). Baby Abigail is joining her at only 8 months old. I love my daughters.

Check out one of my favorite photos of Jaclyn on her 4th birthday.

Autism Town

I recently came upon a virtual placed called Autism Town. I am interested in this for multiple reasons. First, I continue to try to understand how to interact with my son, David. Second, my technically curious nature has always drawn me to virtual reality. I have not checked out in detail secondlife.com yet; Autism Town has an striking resemblance to something I encountered a couple of years ago - the million dollar homepage.

It continues to amaze me how we (the virtual community) comes up with new ways to utilize technology. I am especially amazed at how this community supports each other - with comments on blogs or otherwise. I look forward to seeing what other technical advances are ahead for us, our world and our children.